The Deep End

As a kid, successive summers brought a dread of swimming lessons. Mom determined that her sons would develop aquatic proficiency early in life.

Maybe she possessed wisdom to anticipate the fun that would be missed if movement through water was not mastered. Or maybe she didn’t want to spend anxious hours wondering if we would return from trips to the lake with friends.

The folks down at the local YMCA taught us how to float face down and on our back, how to do overhand strokes, and how to kick. Master those skills and instructors required you to swim across the pool in the shallow end.

That posed no problem. If you didn’t make it to the other side you could simply put your feet on the bottom of the pool and stand up. No damage done. When you are a beginner the urge to stop and stand is difficult to resist. You can’t become a swimmer until you do.

Graduating past that point meant promotion to the group swimming across in the deep end. The stakes are higher out there. If you mess up, the bottom of the pool is no source of support. There’s no standing if you stop.

A good swimming instructor knows when to let people flail around for a few moments before coming to their rescue. Save them too soon and they never develop confidence that the journey can be made. Sometimes people have to struggle a bit to realize their potential.

The instructor seemed rather heartless back then. She sat calmly on the side of the pool when forward progress stalled, leaving me choking on inhaled water. Arms rotated wildly in a desperate attempt to reestablish movement along a horizontal rather than a vertical plane.

Fear of sinking suffocation proved exceedingly motivational. My journey across the deep end was completed. Eventually, the trek down the length of the pool and back was made as well. They pronounced me a swimmer and awarded ribbons to prove it.

This space isn’t being neglected due to lack of interest. There are times when unexpected circumstances push us out into the deep end of life. We grow weary treading water while attempting to catch our breath. These days I long for a place to stop and stand.

My father died in June. The woman with whom I’ve shared 30 years of marriage was diagnosed at the beginning of August with a chronic and progressive condition for which there is no cure. While on vacation we learned her disability claim was denied. Last week, while out of town celebrating our anniversary, she was admitted to the hospital for a serious and unrelated health issue.

Few people make the journey through life without facing some unexpected challenges. The question we ought to be asking ourselves is not so much “Will I encounter difficulties?” but “When will my turn come?”

A protest could be offered that the woman I love is too young to be taking her turn right now. What purpose would that serve? Complaining won’t alter reality and there are circumstances we can’t control. We can determine the response we make to life’s unexpected contingencies. Sometimes the only choices we’re given are to sink or swim. Given those options, I’d rather swim.

We long to be rescued from choking realities that leave us gasping and grasping for rescue. But sooner or later you have to learn to cross the deep water of life. The difficulties we face can’t be avoided forever. And even if they could, where would that leave us? Wading around in the kiddie pool forever?

The One who made us knows our capabilities. Some think him slow to respond to the crises we encounter. Perhaps his waiting is motivated, not by lack of concern, but by the desire to see us grow and become. Longing for rescue often means we commit less than our best to life’s journey. My personal conviction is that he longs for nothing but the best for and from each of us.

So in these days I’m not praying to be saved out of difficulty. Launching out into the deep is acceptable if the Instructor is present to coach me through the experience. There are lessons to be learned out there that can’t be gained by hanging out in the shallows. Overcoming unexpected obstacles has a way of leaving you stronger and better prepared for future challenges.

Long ago folks at the YMCA taught me that something as ethereal and yielding as water offers firm support if its buoyant properties are trusted. Convincing me of that fact took longer than it should have, mostly because I did not possess the faith to believe.

And I learned long ago that the Creator’s presence brings stability to life when we entrust ourselves to his care. Sometimes that kind of faith takes a while to develop too.

Running has taught me that we are stronger than we realize. We can travel further than we suspect. We are more capable than we know.

My wife is teaching me that lesson as well. She is making this journey with amazing dignity and grace. While I am supporting her, her strength is supporting me.

So these days we’re keeping our heads above water. We’re making the journey across the deep end of life’s pool. The passage is not always angst free. There are times when that old sinking feeling returns. We’ve been tested but not abandoned. When life gets deep and there’s no place to stand, we trust the Creator to see us through.

How these events will alter and reshape our life together is not yet clear. Even so, I’m grateful to be making this passage in the company of the woman who makes every day worth living and the One who stays closer than a brother.

Thanks Mom for the swimming lessons. Those dreaded days in the pool enriched life more than imagined.

I’m still learning from them today.