Normal Isn't All That Normal
>> 11/2/10
Life presents us with challenges at every stage. Hurtful realities bring changes not of our choosing. Our first impulse following an encounter with them is to return to what we have known. We long for that which is normal.
Now “normal” is an interesting concept since it’s not the same for any of us. Gather a group of people together to seek its definition. You’ll be hard pressed to arrive at a consensus.
Normal is not even the same for an individual at different points in time. What is normal in the future might look very different from the way we define it here in the present.
That’s because each moment of our existence is unique, personal and impossible to repeat. Like variations on a theme in a symphony, the melody of our days may be phrased closely enough to be recognized, but is always altered (sometimes subtly, sometimes substantially) with the passage of time.
One of the things I love about running is that every outing is different. Even when following the same route, the experience may be similar but is never exactly the same. Some are difficult and must be endured. Others are effortless and enjoyable. Each must be accepted and appreciated for what they contribute to who we are becoming as a runner.
Over the past several weeks I’ve been asking myself why a similar philosophy is not applied to other areas of life. Why is accepting life altering change so difficult for us?
Facing painful circumstances leaves us seeking refuge in the past. But time moves in a straight line rather than a circle. Yesterday cannot be recreated or repeated. Our effort to reestablish a sense of normalcy following a significant loss is the source of a good deal of lingering dissatisfaction. Comparing what is with what can never be again is not an effective strategy for contentment.
Consider also that all we know is in a constant state of change. The relentless movement of moments and days alters all things. Life is rendered temporary by time. This is one of the primary reasons we dislike change so desperately.
Relationships change because people change over time. People change because every circumstance has a way of altering who we are becoming (for better or worse). Circumstances are in a perpetual state of change because life is unpredictable. For all these reasons the quest for normalcy is elusive.
Life requires that the pain of the moment be accepted if the finish line is to be gained. The desire to finish must be greater than the desire to quit. Persevere and expended effort will result in new found strength. Growing stronger provides greater confidence that life’s unexpected difficulties can be overcome.
The course traveled alters us in significant ways. We won’t be what we were before nor will life be the same after. But these realties don’t render the journey meaningless. Though painful in the moment, they have potential to teach us what is most important and where our best energies can be invested.
The temporary nature of life means the pleasant passages don’t last forever. That’s the bad news. Circumstances change on a regular basis without prior notice. We either adapt or find ourselves at a loss when those changes arrive.
Most of the unpleasant passages are temporary too. That’s the good news. Some circumstances have to be overcome. Others must be outlasted through persistence. Still others must be accepted and incorporated creatively as part of our lives. This latter option represents some of the most challenging work we accomplish in this life.
Seeking what is normal means that we approach life with an inflexible attitude. This leaves us resisting anything which varies from previous expectations or experience. Our carefully constructed perceptions of what life is supposed to be leave us imprisoned in a dissatisfaction of our own making.
Attempts to escape or deny painful experiences often rob us of the richness of life rather than restoring it. We settle for less because of our unwillingness to pay the price which more demands. Giving less than our best never contributes to a satisfying outcome.
Choosing to cope and endure means that we approach life with a flexibility that does not attempt to dictate its terms. Energy wasted in complaining about how abnormal life seems is better spent dealing with the realities at hand. Difficult circumstances require a deeper response. Making a deeper response involves us more fully in the stuff of life.
In many ways this life is a mystery to be unraveled. The challenge is to discover what can be made of unexpected tragedies and how they can lead us to embrace life with the best that is within us.
Giving our best to the people and problems that matter most, especially in those stretches where life gets difficult, seems to be one of the secrets for living a full and meaningful life. And giving the best of ourselves is always an option regardless of whether the circumstances surrounding us are pleasant or not.
Normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a fairly temporary state of existence that changes over time.
Somehow that doesn’t sound normal at all.
Now “normal” is an interesting concept since it’s not the same for any of us. Gather a group of people together to seek its definition. You’ll be hard pressed to arrive at a consensus.
Normal is not even the same for an individual at different points in time. What is normal in the future might look very different from the way we define it here in the present.
That’s because each moment of our existence is unique, personal and impossible to repeat. Like variations on a theme in a symphony, the melody of our days may be phrased closely enough to be recognized, but is always altered (sometimes subtly, sometimes substantially) with the passage of time.
One of the things I love about running is that every outing is different. Even when following the same route, the experience may be similar but is never exactly the same. Some are difficult and must be endured. Others are effortless and enjoyable. Each must be accepted and appreciated for what they contribute to who we are becoming as a runner.
Over the past several weeks I’ve been asking myself why a similar philosophy is not applied to other areas of life. Why is accepting life altering change so difficult for us?
Facing painful circumstances leaves us seeking refuge in the past. But time moves in a straight line rather than a circle. Yesterday cannot be recreated or repeated. Our effort to reestablish a sense of normalcy following a significant loss is the source of a good deal of lingering dissatisfaction. Comparing what is with what can never be again is not an effective strategy for contentment.
Consider also that all we know is in a constant state of change. The relentless movement of moments and days alters all things. Life is rendered temporary by time. This is one of the primary reasons we dislike change so desperately.
Relationships change because people change over time. People change because every circumstance has a way of altering who we are becoming (for better or worse). Circumstances are in a perpetual state of change because life is unpredictable. For all these reasons the quest for normalcy is elusive.
Life requires that the pain of the moment be accepted if the finish line is to be gained. The desire to finish must be greater than the desire to quit. Persevere and expended effort will result in new found strength. Growing stronger provides greater confidence that life’s unexpected difficulties can be overcome.
The course traveled alters us in significant ways. We won’t be what we were before nor will life be the same after. But these realties don’t render the journey meaningless. Though painful in the moment, they have potential to teach us what is most important and where our best energies can be invested.
The temporary nature of life means the pleasant passages don’t last forever. That’s the bad news. Circumstances change on a regular basis without prior notice. We either adapt or find ourselves at a loss when those changes arrive.
Most of the unpleasant passages are temporary too. That’s the good news. Some circumstances have to be overcome. Others must be outlasted through persistence. Still others must be accepted and incorporated creatively as part of our lives. This latter option represents some of the most challenging work we accomplish in this life.
Seeking what is normal means that we approach life with an inflexible attitude. This leaves us resisting anything which varies from previous expectations or experience. Our carefully constructed perceptions of what life is supposed to be leave us imprisoned in a dissatisfaction of our own making.
Attempts to escape or deny painful experiences often rob us of the richness of life rather than restoring it. We settle for less because of our unwillingness to pay the price which more demands. Giving less than our best never contributes to a satisfying outcome.
Choosing to cope and endure means that we approach life with a flexibility that does not attempt to dictate its terms. Energy wasted in complaining about how abnormal life seems is better spent dealing with the realities at hand. Difficult circumstances require a deeper response. Making a deeper response involves us more fully in the stuff of life.
In many ways this life is a mystery to be unraveled. The challenge is to discover what can be made of unexpected tragedies and how they can lead us to embrace life with the best that is within us.
Giving our best to the people and problems that matter most, especially in those stretches where life gets difficult, seems to be one of the secrets for living a full and meaningful life. And giving the best of ourselves is always an option regardless of whether the circumstances surrounding us are pleasant or not.
Normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It’s a fairly temporary state of existence that changes over time.
Somehow that doesn’t sound normal at all.
1 comments:
A masterpiece. An example of where less is more, or quality over quantity. How I missed your musigns. These, that make me think, and somehow always come at the right time.
"We settle for less because of our unwillingness to pay the price which more demands." This is so true. Also, because we are scared - to fail, to succeed, to change. To get out of "normal". To be viewed by others as not normal. To work harder, think more. We are scared to be scared.
Why do we only accept the pain if we visualize the finish line? What IS the finish line? And why can't we still move forward while not knowing for certain where is that line and what will it produce? Is that what scares even more? Can you imagine not to have anything in sight while going?
Relationships change because people change - so true. We need to be willing to figure out how to recognize our own changes and honor them without hurting other person's changes. We need to help those changes blossom, and not be freightened - both, in ourselves and others. And that is out of normal:)
It's actually exciting to be our-of-normality. I know I enjoy any chance I can. But I also know I am pass on so many opportunities I could have taken on. And when many of them do come anyway, I dread and kick and csream like a toddler in a candy store. Why aren't we smart to contemplate right away rather than much later? May be because we are simply humans. Not Gods, that's for sure.
And that makes life worthwhile.
p.s. I am thinking of you and yours, dear friend. Always.
Post a Comment